Author: Melissa

After 33 years in the healthcare field, I have become accustomed to and accepting of the fact that I will sometimes have to work on holidays. Today is one of those days. I say this completely free from a spirit of complaint, whining, or a “poor me” attitude. I sit here today with a long list of things I am thankful for. I won’t name them all now, but I’ll briefly say I’m thankful that my family is able to gather together for a meal today and thankful for a dad who is planning to bring me a plate for supper tonight, despite my insistence that I am perfectly okay with waiting to eat leftovers tomorrow. I am also thankful that I am working with many co-workers that I truly enjoy working with. In fact, I may prefer the company of some of my work family tonight over my real family anyway. Just kidding!! In short, I am thankful for the many blessings in my life.

With that said, however, I do have one thing resting heavy on my heart tonight from an incident from last night at work. I was going to try to describe the situation in very vague details, but I don’t want to risk in anyway violating the social media policies of my place of employment. So, to whittle it down to the bare essence, after two brief conversations with an individual I felt a familiar tug at my heart that I knew was God telling me to reach out to this person. This happened after I encountered them while they were leaving. They told me they hoped I would have a Happy Thanksgiving the next day. I responded with, “Thank You, and I hope you do as well.” The thing is what little bit I know of this person’s history made me think as soon as I said what I did, that the chances of them having a nice big family meal to attend was very low. That was when God prodded me to turn around, call out to the person and just ask them what their Thanksgiving would look like. At the same time, I had another dissenting voice come into my head. This one said, but why? It’s not like you can do anything about it if they don’t. All I really had to offer in that moment was a little cash if I was to find out they didn’t have enough money to eat today or in the next couple of days. Regretfully, I let the dissenting voice over-ride the initial voice and I let this person walk on without following up with them.

So my main prayer today has been of two things. First, that whoever God tapped on the shoulder next to reach out to this person would be more obedient than I was. Second, if possible that God will take out one of the future blessings he has for me in the bucket with my name on it and moves it into this individual’s bucket. Don’t know if things work that way or not, but that is the request. Since it is Thanksgiving and football is a staple of that, I’ll put it in these terms. I committed a penalty on that play last night, so I need to pay with some loss of yardage. Doesn’t mean the goal line has disappeared from my view or has become unattainable. Just means I’ve got further to go to get there now.

I believe in a God of forgiveness and of second chances. I also know that God has many tools and people at his disposal to accomplish his will. His kingdom does not crumble simply because I failed to do what was asked of me. This was, however, a sin of omission for which I need to atone.

As we wrap up a day of giving thanks and being mindful of the blessings of God, we must always remember that we have to be open and ready to be the conduit of a blessing to another person so that they can add to their list of things to be thankful for.

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Over the years I have come to the realization that there are times when well-meaning Christians offer up advice or common phrases with all the intention of helping someone in need, never realizing it is the wrong advice or words at the wrong time. The common encouragement to “count your blessings” given to someone who is troubled, worried, or burdened by a problem to the point of complaining is one of the prime examples of such a situation. It is often paired with the reminder to the person that there is always someone worse off than they are with whatever problem they are dealing with at the time.

To be clear, counting our blessings is something that should be part of our daily lives. We should pause and reflect at least once during the day and offer thanks to God for what he has done and is doing for us. For one thing, he is worthy and deserving of our praise and thanksgiving. Secondly, it is beneficial to us for our mental and emotional well-being. Remembering that not everything in our life is bad helps put us in a better frame of mind to deal with issues that do arise during our day.

The issue I have with people reminding others to count their blessings is that often the implicit un-spoken meaning of what they are saying is basically, “Quit your belly-aching and complaining. Stop worrying about your little problems.” The problem is that when we don’t address the so-called little problems and work through them, then they begin to grow into bigger problems. While simply worrying about them is not the right course of action, they do require some kind of action and attention to actually deal with them.

If you will permit me, I would like to use a modern day parable to illustrate my point. (And for those of you who know I work in a hospital, here is the disclaimer that this is not a true story.)

There once was a man who went to the Emergency Room because he had a fish hook stuck in his palm. While sitting in the waiting room he saw a man come in with an 8-inch gash on his leg from a chainsaw accident. The stranger sitting beside him said, “Look on the bright side. You’re not having as bad a day as him.” The man with the fish hook stuck in his palm agreed with the stranger. He then decided to go on home. It’s just a little fish hook, he said to himself. The pain will be probably ease up soon and though it’s uncomfortable and inconvenient I can still use my hand with it in there. And so he did. After a week, it got a little red and inflamed. Yet, he could still use it some and had learned to work with the limitations it caused. However, as the weeks went by it got increasingly worse because of the infection inside. Eventually, and because he waited to late to address the issue, he ended up losing the hand entirely and was left with a life-altering situation to deal with. Meanwhile, on the other side of town the man with the chainsaw injury was already healed, had his stitches removed and was back to cutting down trees.

In the immediacy of the moment in the Emergency Room visit it was entirely true that the man with the chain saw injury had the more serious problem and needed quicker and more intensive intervention. The truth of that, however, did not negate or erase the fact that the man with the fish hook did also require some attention and treatment as well.

We do ourselves a dis-service when we continually measure our problems and issues with the problems and issues of those around us. Yes, we can always see someone who is dealing with a situation that is larger and needs more intensive attention. Again, that does not negate or erase the fact that whatever is our problem should be completely ignored. If left unacknowledged, that problem can fester and grow exponentially and cause more trouble down the road.

I am inherently bad about sabotaging my own self without needing help from other well-meaning people reminding me to count my blessings. When I am in despair or dealing with a troubling problem the first thing I tell myself is that there is someone else worse off than I am. While that is the absolute truth, the result is that I add a layer of guilt on top of my problem, because then I start berating myself for worrying about my “little old” problem instead of helping those who are worse off than I am. The problem is, guilt does nothing to help fix whatever it is I am dealing with. Instead, it just helps it fester, redden, and become a more infectious problem. And the more layers of guilt I add, the worse it gets.

We tend to live in a state of mind of Either/Or thinking. Either I can focus on my so-called little problems or I can do what God calls us as Christians to do, in that we are to humble ourselves and put others first. That kind of thinking though sometimes leads us to put aside and completely ignore our own problems. However, there is another alternative. We can instead try to live in a state of mind of Both/And thinking. Wherein, we can work to address and take action on the things that are bothering us and we can reach out to others in need at the same time. We don’t always have to ignore our own needs to try to meet the needs of others.

The other week I reflected on the command of Jesus to “Love our neighbors as ourselves.” When that command is discussed or studied most of the attention and teaching goes into explaining and determining the meanings of the words “love” and “neighbor”. I would suggest we under appreciate the importance of the word “as” in that commandment. In no way does God suggest we love ourselves any less than the way we love others. For me to love others as God calls me to, requires me to love myself in a healthy way. That means not ignoring my worries, despairs, and troubles simply because someone else’s is a little larger at the moment. With God’s help I can succeed with Both/And thinking.

It is a lesson I am trying to learn. Trying to learn.

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