Category: Personal Thoughts

Posted in Personal Thoughts, Sunday Reflections

God’s Steadfast Love

Posted on by Melissa

Following is an entry from my Faith Journal from October 14, 2011. Turns out my current daily Bible readings are in line with where I was at that time. I am once again struck by the times the phrase “steadfast love” appears. Eleven years later, I still need to take time to reflect on the nature of God’s love for God’s people. And, even more importantly right now, God’s love for me. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I sometimes feel completely unlovable. Yet, I sometimes can feel undeserving of God’s love because of certain actions or thoughts that are pervasive in my life at the moment. I constantly have to remind myself, or being reminded, that it is not about me deserving or earning God’s love. I don’t deserve it. I can’t earn it. It is a gift from a holy God who chose from the beginning and continues to choose everyday to love me. Not for what I’ve done. Not for what I can do for him. Simply because I am one of God’s creation. May you be reminded today that God loves you. Whether you want him to or not. Though I truly hope you want him to.

My current daily readings over the last several days has included multiple Psalms for each day. The subject of God’s “steadfast love” has been a recurring presence in many of them. Steadfast: Fixed, Immovable, Not Varying. It implies one who is resolute and sure of their current direction and doesn’t waver from their set path or plans. God may be saddened and grieve for us over things we do that go against his commands because he knows the potential harm we are exposing ourselves to. He may even be angry at us at times for being so obstinate and selfish and refusing to treat and/or help others in their troubles. But, despite this sadness, grieving, or anger his love remains resolute and sure. It holds fast. It stays fixed. It doesn’t move. Most humans have a breaking point where love for another, even family, can be lost – perhaps to be repaired at a later date, but perhaps not. God never loses his love for us. With God, rejection and separation can only occur from one side of the equation, that is, from us.

Posted in Personal Thoughts

Lonely Lines In Search of a Home

Posted on by Melissa

Below are some random lines and thoughts that have been collecting dust in my writing journal. They all have been waiting patiently to be turned into either a poem or essay, but their time has not yet come. Maybe it never will. So, for now, I thought I would let them hang out together here in the hopes they would feel a little less lonely.

  • Depression is a black hole of the soul. It sucks all joy, love, laughter into its nothingness.
  • Watching the trees in the Fall is like watching a fire-works show in slow motion.
  • A Merry-Go-Round Mind.
  • Sparks of Inspiration flitter in my mind like lightning bugs skittering through the night, elusive and just out of reach.
  • We ponder Death in an attempt to perceive Life. For Life is nothing less than a march to the grave.
  • Even Insecurity contains a dose of Vanity. Believing others are ceding moments of their precious time to criticize you has an air of pretension.
  • An empty bottle of alcohol is never truly empty. Instead, it is filled with all the things it has taken away. Memories. Friendships. It is replaced with the distilled spirits of friends and family. It is full of wasted memories half-forgotten.
  • Just because things are the way they are doesn’t always mean things are the way they are supposed to be.
  • Your Absence is a Presence that trails my every move, an invisible shadow at my heels.
  • Past and Present collide, like long dead stars that illumine the Night.
  • It doesn’t require the weight of the world to crush someone. It only requires the weight of their world.
  • An evening breeze dances on the leaves of the trees, whispering secrets of the night.
  • I do not fear the noise. I do not fear the silence. I do fear the noise that hides unheard within the silence.
  • Fear of disappearing like a pen slowly draining of ink that grows lighter and lighter until the words just fade out of existence all together.

Posted in Books, Personal Thoughts

I’m Still Here!

Posted on by Melissa

I thought I needed to drop in and let anyone who is interested know that I am still here and have not abandoned this blog. I know my posts over the past few months have decreased in frequency. It is definitely not for lack of interest or for lack of things I want to say. I also still have many older writings and poems I want to share and I do want to keep my reading lists (both the ones I’ve read and want to read) up to date, including more book reviews. So please don’t give up on me yet. Keep checking in on here periodically. I promise I’m going to do my best here.

Back in May I announced to family, friends, and my local church that I am considering a call into full-time ministry as a Licensed Local Pastor in the United Methodist Church. This includes a time and process of discernment that I have to proceed through. This has been taking up quite a bit of time and mental/emotional/spiritual energy and has kept me from devoting the time I would love to spend on this.

With that said, I would like to repeat something I know I’ve shared in other places here. I do not claim to be the most read individual or the smartest individual. You can find better writing and more sophisticated thoughts in many other places. My goal for this has always been to just be a part of a conversation at large. Though not the smartest, I feel I do (at least occasionally) have something worthwhile to add. So, I wanted a way to share that with others who may be interested in my perspective on things. Additionally, as I am only one individual I do not claim that any of my thoughts on spiritual and faith matters should be taken as a full representation of the United Methodist Church. My views, while certainly influenced by my membership of and love of this denomination, are my own. I am an imperfect person trying to work out my own calling from God and my own spiritual journey as best as I can. I always encourage (respectful) push back and commentary on anything I post. I am not unwilling to examine and consider viewpoints that are different from my own. Our life experiences shape and mold who we are, how we engage the world, and even how we encounter God. I hope I never get to a point where I am unwilling to admit I may be wrong about something. But, I do promise that the things I write come from the heart and out of a true desire to understand God’s love and to share it with others.

One area I would love to get back to is adding more Book Reviews. I hope that I will soon be able to carve out some time for this. Until then, however, I have at least come up with a Rating System I am somewhat satisfied with. I say satisfied because I have a lot of trouble rating and reviewing books. (I’m sure I’ve said this before elsewhere as well!} I respect anyone who puts time and energy into writing, because I know and understand how difficult it can be. Thus, I have a hard time being too critical about a book at times – mostly out of sympathy for the author. But, below I have included my current rating system. I hope maybe it will help if you visit here in the hopes of getting some reading suggestions. Again, applying to my lists is a work in progress, so please be patient. Though I hope it will go quicker than writing actual reviews. And as always, I welcome any questions about any particular book and I’ll respond as quickly as possible.

★★★★★ Awesome! Tops on Re-Read List. Want with me if ever stranded on a desert island.
★★★★☆ Great! Would Re-Read if have time.
★★★☆☆ Good. Would Re-Read if nothing else available.
★★☆☆☆ Okay.
★☆☆☆☆ Not Good. Struggled to Finish.

(No Rating) Usually means is a sort of niche book assigned or read for a particular personal reason.

Thanks for visiting. I hope that something here on this blog will be helpful to you on either your reading journey, spiritual journey, or just life in general. Thanks!

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Posted in Personal Thoughts, Poetry

National Poetry Month (Post #3)

Posted on by Melissa

Post #3 for National Poetry Month. I would be remiss if I did not highlight Emily Dickinson. There are several of hers I like, but one of my favorites is “Because I Could Not Stop for Death”.

Fun Fact regarding her poems. In one of my exams in a college Literature classes we were given a set of poems and we had to identify the poet who wrote it. The trick to identifying a Dickinson poem was that most of hers can be sung to the tune of “Amazing Grace.” Likewise, her poems and “Amazing Grace” can also be sung to the tune of “The Yellow Rose of Texas” and the theme song of “Gilligan’s Island.” Hope I have successfully planted an ear worm in each of your brains for the day. You’re Welcome.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/emily-dickinson?fbclid=IwAR3ErbITWO7IUWz5LB3HH2sxS_V9diBA5RBoQ3FLYwJEEXR8zdL42g5Ddi4

Posted in Personal Thoughts, Poetry

National Poetry Month (Post #2)

Posted on by Melissa

In honor of National Poetry month, here is my second post high-lighting poets or poems that I have enjoyed over the years. For my take in why poetry matters see my previous post from last week.

This is a poem I have encountered and studied many times throughout the years with both my personal reading and my literature studies in college. It ranks up there with my favorite top ten. Mostly, because for such a short poem it tells a big story. Rich’s masterful use of imagery and metaphor are a talent I aim for (but struggle with and fall short with) in my own poetry. Simple understated phrases reveal so much. The lines “The massive weight of Uncle’s wedding band / Sit heavily upon Aunt Jennifer’s hand,” combined with “ringed with ordeals she was mastered by” tell us so much about the harsh life she endured within the confines of marriage without having to explicitly explain it. Especially when combined with the fact that the tigers she is creating “do not fear the men beneath the tree.” The poem is ultimately a poem bemoaning a period of time when women did not have the freedom, voice, and self-agency that we do today (especially in this country). So, why and how does a poem like that speak to me as a never married woman who though very supportive of women’s rights certainly doesn’t consider herself a raving feminist. (We can have the discussion about raving feminists another day if that raises questions for anyone.) Although on the surface this poem speaks of one person and one issue, I believe the underlying message and framework can be applied to many situations and issues. Most of us at some point, whether for a lifetime or just a period of time, have felt constrained, held back, forced to be silent, or stuck because what we want or desire for ourselves runs contradictory to the ideas of our family or society as a whole. It may not be a wedding band that sits heavy on our hand. But we can feel the weight of other’s opinions and judgments just the same. And we, like Aunt Jennifer, find ourselves sitting in envy of the tigers who “Will go on prancing, proud and unafraid.”

https://allpoetry.com/Aunt-Jennifer’s-Tigers

Posted in Personal Thoughts, Poetry

National Poetry Month (Post #1)

Posted on by Melissa

April is National Poetry Month. Stay with me please! I know the idea of reading poetry doesn’t appeal to all people. I’ve heard many people say “I hate poems,” or “I never understand poetry.” That hurts my soul, because I believe the truth underlying those statements is either that the person has never been properly taught how to read and appreciate poetry or that they only remember being forced to read poetry in school and never really connected with poems that spoke to them. Yes, some poems are hard. There are many I read that I come to the end and say, “I don’t get it. I don’t like it. It’s not for me.” And that’s okay. Because there are others that I read that awaken emotions in me and reflect who I am and what I have experienced and it’s like spending time in the presence of a good friend. My goal was from the beginning of this month to share some of my favorite poems and poets each day of April. Obviously, I failed at that. But over the next couple of days I am going to try to change that. Please be open and check some of these out. And even if there is a poem you don’t understand as a whole but it does have that one line or turn of phrase that speaks to you, hold on to that. Because that is enough. And don’t be ashamed of the ones you don’t get or don’t like. It’s fine. Just like novels, non-fiction books, and yes even movies, we all have our own genres that work for us. Doesn’t make one wrong or right. It just makes us different. And that is a good thing.

I have started today with Robert Morgan who is a native North Carolinian. He is currently a literature professor at Cornell University. I find many of his poems to be accessible in a way that they present simply with easily recognizable ideas or things. But within that simplicity can be some very profound meanings and truths. There are many layers within his poetry. That is one reason I wanted to start with him. I think whether you are a poetry reading novice dipping your toes in the water or you are an experienced reader who can deep dive into the depths, you can appreciate his work.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/robert-morgan?fbclid=IwAR1AC1fdKzKQpBbz1fhDqZuxKmRXdSQ_-LkN-0ctVqoO5p_J0o_hr_eKi_o#tab-poems

Posted in Personal Thoughts

Family Roots

Posted on by Melissa

The words below were written by my sister, Robin Peeler, back on March 20, 2017. She re-shared the post today on her Facebook page. I asked her if I could share it here and she readily agreed. She told me I could add to it if I wanted, but it pretty much says it all. The only thing I will add here is to say this – none of us take for granted the good fortune we had to be born into such a loving family. We all know that not everyone has the same experience. I’m heartened to say that we as a family do not keep that experience only to ourselves. While we were learning to be loved and to love each other, we were also learning to love others. Not a single one of us would ever claim that the Peelers are perfect. Trust me, each of us could tell you some stories. And we do, when we gather for our annual family campout at the Old Home Place. But, we have each worked hard to make where-ever we call home and whoever we call neighbors a little better than how we found it or them.

No photo description available.

Robin Peeler

In this picture we only see two generations of Peeler blood walking the hallowed grounds of the Old Home place. But if I close my eyes and think back over all the years, just in my short life, I can picture at least five generations in my lifetime. Many have gone home, some are just coming into the world, and some of us still go for the beauty, serenity and the overwhelming feeling of safety, love and peace that surround you as soon as you step foot on the ground. We all grew up there, ate more Sunday dinners and jars of pickles than you can count. There we were loved and cherished by everyone and we knew it, because we felt it. There may not have been much there in the way of material things, but family, that was always there no matter what.

We learned how to skip rocks, jump off the rope swing at the right time to hit the deep hole and not the sharp rock in the creek, learned how to use a handmade slingshot to shoot rocks at each other, protected each other from the gulley monster, spent many a cold night with 4 or 5 cousins jammed in one bed in the back room underneath a pile of quilts that seemed to reach the ceiling to keep us warm. And it never failed, just as we had all gotten toasty warm somebody had to get up and go to the out house and we had to start all over again.

We woke up to bacon, and sausage and eggs, and shotgun biscuits made by the loving hands of MawMaw Peeler. I swear that woman had to get up at 3 am every day to accomplish what she did. She never let you leave without a full belly, a kiss on the cheek, a tight squeeze, and for me “I love you Shorty”. Oh how I loved her too.

So many memories at this place that time will never erase, because I know of 3 itty-bitty ones with Peeler blood in them that will come to love this place and its stories as much as we all do. I wish I had time to talk about all the memories, but it’s a lifetime’s worth so for now I’ll say good night Peeler clan. Loving you all from Virginia where ever you lay your head tonight. I’m thankful for each and every one you, past, present and future. Peeler out.

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Posted in Personal Thoughts, Religion

Season of Lent, 2022

Posted on by Melissa

As we stand on the threshold of Lent, I must confess that I am looking forward to this particular season of the church calendar more than I was for the previous Advent Season we recently went through. That may seem odd to many. Both periods are times of preparation and reflection. But, Advent has a more positive and upbeat aura that surrounds it. I mean, really, how can you not be excited while expecting the birth of a child, especially the Christ Child. Even the words that represent it, Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love evoke warm and fuzzy thoughts and feelings.

At least they are suppose to evoke these feelings. Last year during that season, I was having a hard time grasping and holding on to each of those. I was weighed down by many things. Battling a new bout of depression. Emotionally and physically drained as someone who works in healthcare and all we’ve faced the past two years. A mid-life crisis that had me looking back on choices made in my past, assessing where I am in the present, and trying to determine what I wanted for in my future. It was not a joyous time of expectant waiting that I was going through. I am thankful that at least by Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I was able to feel more in the true spirit of the holiday and worship and rejoice at what the birth of the Savior meant for the world and for me personally.

But, I’m here to talk about Lent. The words and the aura surrounding this season are less positive and upbeat. Confession. Repentance. It’s not the things that usually make one jump and down and find themselves eager to engage in. So, why am I excited about it? For one, it’s a time that fits my personality and my spiritual ethos. I am a very introspective and reflective person. I love thinking the deep thoughts. I love asking and trying to answer the hard questions. Lent calls us into such a time. Secondly, although all the issues I mentioned earlier haven’t all been magically resolved, I am in a better frame of mind and better position to deal with them. My hope is that these next forty days will bring about more clarity to the things I am struggling with. In fact, that brings up another word that applies to Lent. Renewal. That is what comes on the other side of confession and repentance. And that is what I am most looking forward to.

If you would like, I invite you to join me in using a devotional guide for Lent that for me seems perfectly timed for my life right now. (Using that word perfectly is kind of ironic as you will soon see.) This guide is called A Good Enough Lent. It is based on a devotional book called Good Enough: 40ish Devotionals for a Life of Imperfection written by Kate Bowler and Jessica Richie. While the book is available for purchase, the guide is available as a free download and can be used independent of the devotional book. The link for the free download can be found here: https://katebowler.com/lent.

Posted in Personal Thoughts

Someday

Posted on by Melissa

The following is from a personal journal entry written 7–25–2012.

Someday. A word of both hope and hindrance. Hope, because it offers promise of a future in which the irritants of the present are no longer in existence. It doesn’t matter if those current irritants are external pressures or interior demons. What matters is that with no actual requirement of immediate action one can envision a time of clarity and utopia. A time where the now is no longer, and since the now seems unbearable, there must be in place a point of time to which the days are marching toward that offers beauty, peace, and an un-named betterness.

The quandary lies in the fact that there is in fact no requirement of immediate action. There is where the hindering aspect settles in and plants the seeds of destruction. Without some course of action or correction the mythical someday can never actualize. The irritants will not, can not just de-materialize on their own. A cleaning must take place, a scrubbing and scouring that tears away the old, allowing an eroding of the old barriers and structures. Absent this removal, the re-building can’t commence.

It is all well and good to dream of a someday. Some days it is that dream alone that allows us to wade through the every day monotony of life. But, the dream must not be expected to materialize on its own. If this is done, then someday may simply morph into never.

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Posted in Personal Thoughts, Religion

Thanksgiving Thoughts and A Prayer

Posted on by Melissa

After 33 years in the healthcare field, I have become accustomed to and accepting of the fact that I will sometimes have to work on holidays. Today is one of those days. I say this completely free from a spirit of complaint, whining, or a “poor me” attitude. I sit here today with a long list of things I am thankful for. I won’t name them all now, but I’ll briefly say I’m thankful that my family is able to gather together for a meal today and thankful for a dad who is planning to bring me a plate for supper tonight, despite my insistence that I am perfectly okay with waiting to eat leftovers tomorrow. I am also thankful that I am working with many co-workers that I truly enjoy working with. In fact, I may prefer the company of some of my work family tonight over my real family anyway. Just kidding!! In short, I am thankful for the many blessings in my life.

With that said, however, I do have one thing resting heavy on my heart tonight from an incident from last night at work. I was going to try to describe the situation in very vague details, but I don’t want to risk in anyway violating the social media policies of my place of employment. So, to whittle it down to the bare essence, after two brief conversations with an individual I felt a familiar tug at my heart that I knew was God telling me to reach out to this person. This happened after I encountered them while they were leaving. They told me they hoped I would have a Happy Thanksgiving the next day. I responded with, “Thank You, and I hope you do as well.” The thing is what little bit I know of this person’s history made me think as soon as I said what I did, that the chances of them having a nice big family meal to attend was very low. That was when God prodded me to turn around, call out to the person and just ask them what their Thanksgiving would look like. At the same time, I had another dissenting voice come into my head. This one said, but why? It’s not like you can do anything about it if they don’t. All I really had to offer in that moment was a little cash if I was to find out they didn’t have enough money to eat today or in the next couple of days. Regretfully, I let the dissenting voice over-ride the initial voice and I let this person walk on without following up with them.

So my main prayer today has been of two things. First, that whoever God tapped on the shoulder next to reach out to this person would be more obedient than I was. Second, if possible that God will take out one of the future blessings he has for me in the bucket with my name on it and moves it into this individual’s bucket. Don’t know if things work that way or not, but that is the request. Since it is Thanksgiving and football is a staple of that, I’ll put it in these terms. I committed a penalty on that play last night, so I need to pay with some loss of yardage. Doesn’t mean the goal line has disappeared from my view or has become unattainable. Just means I’ve got further to go to get there now.

I believe in a God of forgiveness and of second chances. I also know that God has many tools and people at his disposal to accomplish his will. His kingdom does not crumble simply because I failed to do what was asked of me. This was, however, a sin of omission for which I need to atone.

As we wrap up a day of giving thanks and being mindful of the blessings of God, we must always remember that we have to be open and ready to be the conduit of a blessing to another person so that they can add to their list of things to be thankful for.

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