Over the years I have come to the realization that there are times when well-meaning Christians offer up advice or common phrases with all the intention of helping someone in need, never realizing it is the wrong advice or words at the wrong time. The common encouragement to “count your blessings” given to someone who is troubled, worried, or burdened by a problem to the point of complaining is one of the prime examples of such a situation. It is often paired with the reminder to the person that there is always someone worse off than they are with whatever problem they are dealing with at the time.
To be clear, counting our blessings is something that should be part of our daily lives. We should pause and reflect at least once during the day and offer thanks to God for what he has done and is doing for us. For one thing, he is worthy and deserving of our praise and thanksgiving. Secondly, it is beneficial to us for our mental and emotional well-being. Remembering that not everything in our life is bad helps put us in a better frame of mind to deal with issues that do arise during our day.
The issue I have with people reminding others to count their blessings is that often the implicit un-spoken meaning of what they are saying is basically, “Quit your belly-aching and complaining. Stop worrying about your little problems.” The problem is that when we don’t address the so-called little problems and work through them, then they begin to grow into bigger problems. While simply worrying about them is not the right course of action, they do require some kind of action and attention to actually deal with them.
If you will permit me, I would like to use a modern day parable to illustrate my point. (And for those of you who know I work in a hospital, here is the disclaimer that this is not a true story.)
There once was a man who went to the Emergency Room because he had a fish hook stuck in his palm. While sitting in the waiting room he saw a man come in with an 8-inch gash on his leg from a chainsaw accident. The stranger sitting beside him said, “Look on the bright side. You’re not having as bad a day as him.” The man with the fish hook stuck in his palm agreed with the stranger. He then decided to go on home. It’s just a little fish hook, he said to himself. The pain will be probably ease up soon and though it’s uncomfortable and inconvenient I can still use my hand with it in there. And so he did. After a week, it got a little red and inflamed. Yet, he could still use it some and had learned to work with the limitations it caused. However, as the weeks went by it got increasingly worse because of the infection inside. Eventually, and because he waited to late to address the issue, he ended up losing the hand entirely and was left with a life-altering situation to deal with. Meanwhile, on the other side of town the man with the chainsaw injury was already healed, had his stitches removed and was back to cutting down trees.
In the immediacy of the moment in the Emergency Room visit it was entirely true that the man with the chain saw injury had the more serious problem and needed quicker and more intensive intervention. The truth of that, however, did not negate or erase the fact that the man with the fish hook did also require some attention and treatment as well.
We do ourselves a dis-service when we continually measure our problems and issues with the problems and issues of those around us. Yes, we can always see someone who is dealing with a situation that is larger and needs more intensive attention. Again, that does not negate or erase the fact that whatever is our problem should be completely ignored. If left unacknowledged, that problem can fester and grow exponentially and cause more trouble down the road.
I am inherently bad about sabotaging my own self without needing help from other well-meaning people reminding me to count my blessings. When I am in despair or dealing with a troubling problem the first thing I tell myself is that there is someone else worse off than I am. While that is the absolute truth, the result is that I add a layer of guilt on top of my problem, because then I start berating myself for worrying about my “little old” problem instead of helping those who are worse off than I am. The problem is, guilt does nothing to help fix whatever it is I am dealing with. Instead, it just helps it fester, redden, and become a more infectious problem. And the more layers of guilt I add, the worse it gets.
We tend to live in a state of mind of Either/Or thinking. Either I can focus on my so-called little problems or I can do what God calls us as Christians to do, in that we are to humble ourselves and put others first. That kind of thinking though sometimes leads us to put aside and completely ignore our own problems. However, there is another alternative. We can instead try to live in a state of mind of Both/And thinking. Wherein, we can work to address and take action on the things that are bothering us and we can reach out to others in need at the same time. We don’t always have to ignore our own needs to try to meet the needs of others.
The other week I reflected on the command of Jesus to “Love our neighbors as ourselves.” When that command is discussed or studied most of the attention and teaching goes into explaining and determining the meanings of the words “love” and “neighbor”. I would suggest we under appreciate the importance of the word “as” in that commandment. In no way does God suggest we love ourselves any less than the way we love others. For me to love others as God calls me to, requires me to love myself in a healthy way. That means not ignoring my worries, despairs, and troubles simply because someone else’s is a little larger at the moment. With God’s help I can succeed with Both/And thinking.
It is a lesson I am trying to learn. Trying to learn.
To Like or Comment, please click on title and open in a new tab.
Notes from a Book Nerd 